he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize