I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
