my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
