Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
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I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
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If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse