I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted