I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I can text with my tongue
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
