You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
