Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
