Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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