In the future we'll all be gay
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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