he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
