Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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