Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
