two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
