If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I fill condoms, not promises.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You were trust falling into bushes
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
