Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize