I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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