Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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