i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
