I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
