i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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