Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
