Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
