The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
operation have a gay friend backfired
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
