toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We are two peas in an std pod
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
