so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
A bitchslap is in order.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
