Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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