I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
