i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
