It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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