Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
