i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
