im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
