Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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