In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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