Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He kissed a someone with a penis
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
