We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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