sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
