Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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