walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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