Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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