I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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