Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.