Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.