tell your sister to shave her snatch
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
