I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
