you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.