I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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