My underwear smells like fireworks.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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