OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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