Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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