She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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