new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
