the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
