We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
