The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
