so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
