Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
