Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
