forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
