I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
vagina is talking i cant
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
