Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
