So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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