Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
