ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
This house was built for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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