I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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