You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
