God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
