I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
