I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
