how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
